"BREAKING: LDS Church Announces Women Can Now Serve in Sunday School Presidency, Immediately Solves Priesthood Authority Shortage"

“BREAKING: LDS Church Announces Women Can Now Serve in Sunday School Presidency, Immediately Solves Priesthood Authority Shortage"

SALT LAKE CITY — In a bold move toward even greater gender balance, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has declared that women may now be called as ward Sunday School presidents — a change leaders say will finally allow sisters to experience the thrill of wrangling teenagers who think "Come, Follow Me" is just a polite suggestion.

"If a man is called, he must hold the Melchizedek Priesthood," the First Presidency letter carefully clarified. "If a woman is called, her counselors must also be women — because nothing says 'restoration continues' like gender-segregated scripture study presidencies."

Church sources report that the first female Sunday School president in a Provo ward has already scheduled a lesson titled "How to Teach the Book of Mormon When Half the Class Is Scrolling TikTok," while her male counterpart in the neighboring stake is reportedly relieved he no longer has a monopoly on asking, "Any volunteers to start us with a prayer?"

Progressive members are hailing it as a major step forward. Traditionalists are cautiously optimistic, noting that as long as the presidency doesn't start wearing pants to church, the heavens remain unoffended.

At press time, the Quorum of the Twelve was said to be prayerfully considering whether to allow women to also announce the closing hymn — but only if it's "Because I Have Been Given Much."

(Obviously pure satire — congrats to anyone who gets called to serve in whatever capacity!) 😄